Being a Woman

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

I am in the middle of reading a book, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” by John Gray,  explaining generally how men and women are different form one other. It is a good book to learn differences in our characteristics, emotion cycle as well as the way we communicate, solve problem and dealing with stress.

Spending every single day of this life with family, life partner, friends and colleagues, can be tiring if we are not exposed with these differences. For instance, generally women need someone to listen to their problems just to release stress without necessarily finding any solution to the problems at the moment. On the other hand, men normally don’t talk about their problems unless they cannot solve the problems by themselves and need to find solution from others.

On the other hand, by reading this book, I get to realize our nature, my nature as a woman. We women are emotional and sensitive beings. One point that I agree from the book is that a woman is a creature that is naturally love to give and afraid to accept too much. We love to share…show our new clothes and shoes, telling stories, share problems, held gatherings and so on and on and on…However, we are afraid to receive. It doesn’t mean that we don’t accept anything, but we are worried if we are receiving too much without giving back, we feel uneasy to make things difficult for others, and sometimes we are afraid to ask something for ourselves. But that‘s not necessarily a bad thing. Being emotional and sensitive make us a loving and considerate wife, mother and friend.

The problem is when we don’t know how to control our emotion and we don’t recognize our needs. It is not that we don’t have any longing but we usually expect others to understand without asking directly. Then, after too much giving without receiving much, a woman may get tired or explode. I don’t say we should not give up giving and loving people around us. We just need to learn how to ask something DIRECTLY for ourselves, (MODERATELY) especially from guys because they sometimes won’t know if you don’t tell them. Men also generally don’t understand if we use flowery words to ask for something. A husband may not understand if her wife say “ This living room doesn’t seem to have anything…” and what he will reply is “Really? I think we already have everything we need”. It will be easier if the wife said “ I think we need a vase of flowers and a new curtain in our living room to make it look nicer. Why don’t we go to mall together this weekend?”, and then her husband wont be confused and will consider her suggestion.

But remember, what I wrote here is something general…each person has their own characteristic and sensitivity. For example, my dad is a architect landscape and exposed to design and architecture. So I think it is not hard for my mom to talk with my dad about house decoration, and why she want to decorate house. Having them as my parents, I inherit their interest in decoration, landscape and architecture…^_^

We, Adam and Eve, are created by Allah swt., biologically, physically, and psychologically different, not to compete each other but to complement each other. Isn’t it beautiful…?

Thus I think it is ridiculous when men and women are trying to compete each other or trying to get equal right in EVERY ASPECT although it is obvious that men and women are very different. We need to learn about our nature as a man or woman, learn our need, learn self-control, learn to be aware, patient and considerate to others, learn to understand others. During the learning journey, I believe that we will come to understand people around us better regardless their gender.

I close today’s post with a verse Allah swt. has mentioned in al-Quran al-Karim surah al-Hujraat, 49: 13 ;

يَـٰٓأَيُّہَا ٱلنَّاسُ إِنَّا خَلَقۡنَـٰكُم مِّن ذَكَرٍ۬ وَأُنثَىٰ وَجَعَلۡنَـٰكُمۡ شُعُوبً۬ا وَقَبَآٮِٕلَ لِتَعَارَفُوٓاْ‌ۚ إِنَّ أَڪۡرَمَكُمۡ عِندَ ٱللَّهِ أَتۡقَٮٰكُمۡ‌ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ عَلِيمٌ خَبِيرٌ۬    

O mankind! Lo! We have created you from male and female, and have made you nations and tribes that ye may know one another. Lo! the noblest of you, in the sight of Allah, is the best in conduct. Lo! Allah is Knower, Aware. (13)

WallahuA’lam.